Posts Tagged ‘addiction’

wash d.c.I lost another friend today to alcoholism.  Quite frankly I’m pissed off, as I always am each and every time this disease claims another victim.

The numbers are staggering, but they really are just numbers until it hits close to home and you realize that another human being that you knew is now gone.

I’ll make this short and sweet.  You can either choose to live or choose to die. No power on earth can make that choice for you.

Today I choose to live.

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thumbnailCAE2TTDQAre you thinking about drinking?

Are you thinking that maybe just one little drink won’t hurt?

Are you thinking that this time you can control those cravings and stop after a couple?

Are you thinking that maybe if you switch to just beer it will make a difference?

Are you thinking that this time you will be able to drink like everyone else?

Are you thinking that maybe it just wasn’t as bad as you imagined it was?

Are you thinking that you just need a little more willpower and everything will be alright?

If you are thinking any of those things, then you are thinking way too much.

Welcome to the perpetual illusion of all alcoholics….it will be different this time!  Unfortunately, if you are an alcoholic, it will never be different.  The plain and simple truth is that you will never be able to drink normally again.  Those days are gone if in fact they ever existed.  You do not magically regain control of your drinking.  The disease has advanced too far and you are on a one-way street headed for more heartache, more loss and more destruction.

Bleak picture? It was meant to be. J

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much younger daysOh what a tangled web we weave.

Hang around AA long enough and you will have people giving you suggestions whether you asked for them or not. J  It’s only natural I guess.  There is a lot of wisdom in the halls of AA, and there are a lot of people who want to help.  There are also a lot of egos there and those egos are convinced that they know better than anyone else how to stay sober.  Again, it’s only natural.

One thing you will hear over and over again is that during early sobriety you should avoid getting involved with the opposite sex in a relationship.  If you think about it you will see the wisdom in that suggestion.

During early sobriety the recovering alcoholic is like one large exposed nerve.  There is a blizzard of emotions and feelings as the sleeping giant is awakened and life bombards them from all sides.  Early sobriety means insecurity and insecurity means looking for someone to provide security for us….and sooner or later our thoughts turn to the opposite sex for that security.

Avoid it at all costs.  Anyone standing on the wobbly legs of sobriety is not ready emotionally for the trials and tribulations of a relationship.  It is better to concentrate on your sobriety until you are strong enough to stand on your own.  Get to know yourself before trying to get to know someone else.  In the long run you will end up stronger and more capable of handling the dynamics of a relationship with another human being.

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loving life on a hikeHere is my message today for those of you who are still struggling with alcohol….are you ready?


I’m not big on making excuses.  I’m somewhat of an AA hard-ass.  By that I mean I don’t sugarcoat anything to do with alcoholism.  It is not a pretty disease.  It kills, and it not only kills the alcoholic but it destroys lives of loved ones.  How could I possibly sugarcoat that?

I have seen friends die from heart disease, failing kidneys, destroyed livers, and all related to their alcoholism.  I have had friends commit suicide and die homeless on the streets, and all because of alcoholism.

No excuses…no sugarcoating….no pats on the head saying everything will be alright….alcoholism kills.


It is a choice you know.  There is help out there if you want it.  If you don’t want it then you are making a choice…if you do want it you are making a choice.  I am here if you need someone to talk to….AA is there….millions of other people will help you if you want them to…..or….

You can choose to die.


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miscellaneous....and steph 003I don’t remember the last time I was drunk on Easter.  That realization hit me yesterday as we were enjoying family and life.

We saw all five of our kids yesterday and people came and went.  No big meal was served.  Everyone just grabbed something from the fridge, and we played in the sunshine and built our chicken coop.

None of the joys I now experience would be possible if I was still drinking.  None of them.

I am incredibly blessed to be living a life of sobriety.  I am surrounded by loving people who fill my life with joy.  Life is good sober and it can be for you as well.  All you have to do is want it badly enough.

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January 28 2012 161Easter weekend, as good a time to drink as any other!

Seriously, are you having family over for the holidays?  Will there be drinking?  Let me tell you how it is in our household.

Everyone knows I am an alcoholic, so there is no drinking in our household.  I have never told our family not to.  They have chosen not to out of respect to me.  We gather together here and have sparkling cider or some other juice.

Would it upset me to be around booze?  After six years of sobriety probably not, but why would I risk it?  Why would I hang out in slippery places and be around my biggest temptation when there is no reason to do so? Staying sober is much too important to me, and I have no desire to tempt fate.  My health and happiness is much too important to my family, so why would they tempt fate?

I have listened to people debate whether families of alcoholics should drink at family gatherings.  My opinion is that they shouldn’t out of respect for the alcoholic and the struggle the alcoholic goes through.  What possible reason could you have for drinking if you know someone in the room is trying to stop from drinking, and their very health and well-being are at stake?

Just one man’s opinion.

Have a great Easter weekend!

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wash d.c.Yesterday we talked a little about the reactions we may meet once we have found sobriety.  Let’s talk a bit more about that.

Some of us…many of us…drank for decades.  The damage and pain we caused during that time was, for many of us, enormous.  Simply because we get sober does not mean that damage goes away.  Hearts were broken…trust was shattered…and that kind of damage takes a long time to heal and repair.

Our job as recovering alcoholics is to make amends and then show, through our daily actions, that we are changed people.  The amends we make may not be accepted.  We might make very sincere apologies only to have the injured party say they do not accept our apology.  So be it!  We can do no more.  We must make the amends and then move forward.  We cannot change the past but we can change our future.

Live each day with compassion, empathy and love.  Over time people will once again give you their trust and acceptance, but it is a long journey and one we must commit to.

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teacherHow did it go this weekend?  Did you stay sober?  Did you act sober?

I know, that may seem like a strange question but really it isn’t.  The old question begs to be asked:  if you take the alcohol away from a drunk horse thief, what do you get?  You still get a horse thief!

The point being that not drinking does not solve all your problems.  The biggest problem is you!  We have to learn to deal with our inner demons if we are ever to fully find peace and happiness, and so the question remains:  did you act sober this weekend, or did you act like a drunk who needs a drink and still has demons?

Take some time this morning and see if you can honestly answer that question.

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teacherAre you an alcoholic?  Well there’s a loaded question if I ever heard one.  Get it??? Loaded???  Sigh, my humor may be too unique.  LOL

So back to the question.  Unfortunately, the only one who can truly answer that question is the person asking it.

Remember that alcoholism is a physical addiction and a psychological obsession.  Do you go about your day thinking about your next drink?  Do you find it almost impossible to stop after one drink?  Has alcohol started to cause problems in your life?  Do you lie to cover-up your use of alcohol? Do you hide your drinking?  Have you found your health suffering because of your drinking?

All of those are clues that you might just have a problem worth addressing.  Normal drinkers can take it or leave it.  They can stop after one drink.  Alcohol usually does not cause problems in their lives and they do not lie to cover up the fact that they had a couple drinks.

Perhaps the best indicator that you might be an alcoholic is the fact that you would even ask the question in the first place.  The mere act of asking if you are an alcoholic says that you realize alcohol is a problem in your life. J

There is help out there…reach out and ask for it before it is too late.

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teacherI started this blog as a way to inform others about the disease of alcoholism.  It was also my hope that I could in some way help the still-suffering alcoholic and/or help those loved ones who are living with an alcoholic and don’t know what to do.

I do not advertise on this blog.  This is not about making money.  I do have an ebook about alcoholism but I do not advertise about it.  This blog is simply my way of reaching out to those who may need someone to talk to about this disease.

And I have been very gratified because people have reached out.  It is so uplifting when someone asks me for help, or simply needs to “talk” to someone about this baffling disease.

Alcoholism has been called the disease of aloneness.  There is great secrecy about alcoholism, not only with alcoholics but also their families and friends.  People keep shoving it into the closet in hopes that others will not find out, and that is the worst thing you can do.

There is no shame in having a disease.  There is no shame in loving someone who has a disease.  I have heard it said often that we are only as sick as our secrets, so I say to all of you that if alcoholism is a part of your life or the life of a loved one, it needs to be spoken about and brought out into the light.  There is no other way to deal with it.

If you are suffering from alcoholism, or you have a loved one who is, reach out to me. I am here for you and I will do everything I can to make sure you do not have to face this killing disease alone.  That is my promise to you and I am worth trusting.

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